What Is Contentment? (And Why It’s Not Just Settling)

The Misunderstood Word

Why are we so scared of contentment? It isn't scary, and it doesn't mean we give up on our dreams for the future. Contentment means being satisfied where you are and being at peace in the place God has placed you. Doesn't that sound amazing?

We live in a time where people are go, go, go all the time. Everyone is in fight-or-flight mode, and most people don't know how to enjoy the quietness of taking it slow. From the time we’re born, our parents rush us out the door to keep up with their chaotic schedules. We grow up not knowing how to sit in peace or embrace the season of life God places us in. We’re taught that we must be doing something all the time—because that’s what everyone else is doing.

My Story of Discontentment

In my teens, I dealt with a lot of discontentment, but I didn’t really pay much attention to it until I got married and moved 2,300 miles away from my family at twenty years old. The flat land, a job I hated, no friends, a new family I was at odds with, cornfields for miles, the mugginess, the bugs, and the swimming water that felt like a warm bathtub—it all felt foreign and heavy. But I loved two things: the lower cost of living, and being with my husband.

I came from two jobs I loved, the gorgeous scenery of the PNW, living near family and friends, icy cold water that actually cooled you off, no humidity, and limited bugs. I was extremely discontent and depressed with where I was, even though it should have been the happiest season of my life. I can’t tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep because I missed the place I called home.

Four years later, I still dislike some of the same things. But I’ve learned to look for the beauty in the place God has placed me, and I am content.

What Contentment Is (and Isn’t)

Multiple Bible verses talk about contentment and how important it is to live according to God’s plan. My favorite verse is:

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."— 2 Corinthians 12:9–10 (KJV)

This is the verse I go to when I’m struggling—it’s the one I live by. It has carried me through the hardest parts of my life.

Another powerful verse is:

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."— Philippians 4:11–13 (NKJV)

If we are safe, have a place to live, and food on the table, we are already rich. That’s enough to be content. That doesn’t mean we become complacent or stop dreaming for the future—it means we choose peace in the now, while still working toward what’s ahead.

Wrestling With Discontentment in Motherhood

I’ve recently struggled with not being able to make money. I want to help out and do something just for me. At the same time, I know that in this season of motherhood, I’m called to be home—loving and nurturing our children into strong, independent men who can raise families and impact the world.

If I tried to jump into something new right now, I’d be overwhelmed and stressed, and it would cause tension in our home. It’s okay for me to want to contribute, and also know this just isn’t the time. So for now, I am content being at home with my children.

What Contentment Looks Like Practically

The heart of contentment is thankfulness. I’m thankful for:

• My children

• My husband

• A home to live in

• Cars to drive

• Spring weather

• Friends and family are close by

• A church to belong to

• Food on the table

  
  

I still have dreams: writing a book, speaking at conferences about sexuality and porn, and eventually starting a practice focused on fascial release and healing trapped emotions. But those things aren't the most important part of this season—and that’s okay.

The Turning Point

When I moved to Indiana, it was winter—my hardest season. Cabin fever was real. I spent most days on the couch binge-watching TV shows. But in December, I visited my family, and I quit my job—and that was the beginning of healing.

To find joy again, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and start praying. I began thanking God for the little things: My husband holding me when I missed my family. The iced-over river sparkling in the sun. Fresh snow. Our tiny two-bedroom apartment.

That prayer—asking God to make me the wife and mother my family needed—changed everything.

Checking My Heart (Again)

After having my third little boy, discontentment crept in again. This time, I longed for an older Christian woman to mentor me. I missed the wisdom and friendship of older women I’d known as a teen.

Peace came when I told my husband how I was feeling (and told him not to fix it—just listen). Then I took it to God, asking Him to replace my discontentment with peace. That prayer helped me let go of what I thought I needed and find joy in what I already had, like a dear friend who had recently moved back nearby.

How to Cultivate Contentment Daily

• Thank God for the little things — A good book. A bird singing. A toddler's smile.

  
  

• Limit what steals your joy — For me, that meant limiting social media to 30 minutes a day.

  
  

• Pray all day long — While doing dishes, folding laundry, sweeping, or changing diapers.

  
  

• Surround yourself with content people — If your friends are always complaining, it’s okay to spend less time with them.

  
  

Final Encouragement

Contentment isn’t a switch you flip—it’s a muscle you build. And like any muscle, if you don’t use it, it will weaken.

You don’t need more to feel full. God is enough. If you’re struggling, take it to Him.

“If your heart doesn’t feel the same as your mind thinks, you are two-minded.” We’re not just minds—we’re hearts too. True contentment comes when our heart and mind are in agreement.

So today, ask yourself: What can I thank God for right now, right where I am?